Thought Disorder

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I Love My Job

Hate the daily long and expensive MRT rides.
Hate to wake up early at 7AM everyday.
Hate anticipating the arrival of 6.30pm everyday when I start work.

Yet, I still love my job :)

The satisfaction is really overwhelming, and that makes me really glad that I found this job :)

My colleagues are really awesome people. They have been feeling so hyped up about my coming interview that they are actually practising speaking Mandarin with me, giving me tips for it and even asking if I want to rehearse :')

Mad awesome.

11:16 PM

Monday, January 25, 2010

Random

I'm supposed to be sleeping now, because I need to wake up earlier for work tomorrow since there is a super important event tomorrow morning. The media will be coming down for the event I heard! So I definitely can't screw up tomorrow, and I need to make sure my hair is neat in case I get captured in the background. HAHAHAHAHA. Okay, I kid.

Anyway, I know I'm slow slow slow, but I just came back from watching Avatar 3D at the Discovery Centre!!!!! I'm really not a movie person, even though I'm such an avid drama and TV fan. I just don't work in the same way. But watching dramas and movies are two very different things to begin with! Avatar was really awesome! :B I KNOW I'M REALLY SLOW LAH. Speaking of dramas, I can watch 海派甜心again tomorrow. Yay! ^.^V

I really cannot find the time to fit in any drama watching these. I plan to continue Will It Snow For Christmas (LOL, Christmas is long over), おひとりさま (I ONLY WATCHED LESS THAN 1/4 OF THE FIRST EPISODE, EPIC WIN), and 珠光宝气 marathons every Sunday morning. Really loved the teenage version of Kang-jin in WISFC, and Go Soo's intense eyes! I also want to watch IRIS and check out the hoo-ha over it. Will also probably check out some of the new Korean dramas airing on Mon/Tues nights. The problem is: Do I really have the time for all these? I sleep most of my weekends away because I'm so worn out after the whole week, and my weekends will be packed with activities the coming weeks. It's quite sad that I'm sacrificing dramas for activities :(

Random thoughts of the day
A Level results are out in approximately 5 weeks' time! How time flies.
Ahh, work again.
My interviews are on Friday and Monday! Why do I feel so screwed up?
I really did not apply to SMU
I'm so poor now, I need to get some money from the ATM machine tomorrow or else I will eat air for lunch tomorrow.
I wonder when will I get my pay? Early Feb?
What should I do with my pay then? Feed my bank account?

12:05 AM

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Imperfect Information

I'm currently so vexed over whether I should waste $15 applying to SMU. Based on my very superficial understanding of the 3 local universities, I am obviously not in favour of SMU. Sorry. After further research to correct my imperfect information, I am still not in favour of SMU. Still, due to my inherent Singaporean kiasu nature, it would be foolish not to apply for all. However, if I already know that my ultimate decision will not even take SMU into consideration, then there is no point in applying in the first place. I will just waste my money, time and effort, and I will also waste the time of the person going through my application. Anyway, even if I miss this early cycle and come to regret it, I can still catch the next wave after A's results are out!!!

So, I guess the final verdict is that I'm going to give this early cycle a miss :)

Now, I need to catalyse my preparation for my upcoming interviews, and also find time to submit more applications!!!! Super lazy /:

11:32 PM

Thursday, January 21, 2010

TGIF

Friday is just, tomorrow! TGIF!

I can finally put my tired soul on a 2 day holiday and enjoy some time out with friends and also with my sofa and TV :) V^.^V Yay!

On a side note, I dreamt that my A's results were out...and they were quite realistic, but not ideal. I could really feel the whole range of emotions coursing through my veins the moment I saw my results slip even though I was dreaming xD It felt like a bad reality hit. Funny thing is, there was a percentage mark for A's, and an annex which listed all the top students from DHS, which aren't present in real life. Thankfully, I woke up right after I saw my results and realised that it was all but a dream! Phew. At least I have some mental, literally, preparation for bad grades. About 1.5 months to the real thing? Good luck to me.

Hmm, and I've stopped hoping for anything big, or waiting for any calls/emails, because it's not too bad to be normal after all. Plus, it's not the end of the journey if I don't get all the ideal things in life. Worse still, the ideal things I perceive to be now may end up like a nightmare to me in the future. Who knows? I have other options, other chances and other solutions to seek. Yah I really don't know why I'm so myopic. I think I'm shaped by the stupid culture around me

Of course, deep down inside me, I would still like to receive that call/email of confirmation. Waiting is the most painful thing to do! :( Nerve-wrecking!

10:54 PM

Monday, January 18, 2010

Flu-like Symptoms

My throat and nose are being such bitches now $%#$^@$#$ The former is dry while the latter is wet. Tomorrow will be another long day at work, which will be further aggravated by my bad throat and nose :( Must prepare tons of tissues and lozenges for my long battle tomorrow. Hopefully no one will talk to me tomorrow so I don't have to activate my ever-painful throat, and I can ensure that my virus is not passed around. How considerate am I, seriously! On a side note, I really hate squeezing with everyone on the train in the morning and evening. I also have a craving for Koi milk tea now despite the bad condition I'm in. It's really that addictive!!!

Okay there's still a long 6 months to go. It's not that I hate work, but I just hate the feeling of waking up early in the morning. It's just like school, except that in school I get to stone when I feel like it, but at work, I have to be on my toes all the time. Sometimes when I've nothing to do at work, I'll just slack for a while, but I'll feel so guilty. After all, I earn money every second that I spend slacking, and 世界上没有免费的午餐!

Maybe I should get some shut-eye now while waiting for all my videos to be converted.

10:00 PM

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Random

There is a nagging dry and painful sensation going down my throat now. Such an awful dull pain. I've ate Extra Strong Strepsils, drank honey water and quite a lot of plain water, and ate lots of fruits like rock melon, apples and oranges, but to no avail. Besides these, I also ate pain-inducing things like durians. LOL.

Just completed my application :) Now I must worry about the annoying Appraisal. Now I've to bother my school teachers again :( I'm also wondering if I should apply to SMU too. Or should I just save the application fee? I'll decide next Saturday!!!

There's work tomorrow, on Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday. Ahh. Looking forward to finishing work on Friday though, so that I can do some catching up (and shopping!) with FT and SN. Haven't seen FT in ages!!!!! Like, maybe for about 1 month or so? And on Saturday I will become $400 richer. Hahaha. Also cannot wait to finish work tomorrow so that I can watch 海派甜心

Cannot wait for May to come so that I can visit Universal Studios with SN! By then it will mean that A's results are already out, and I may be reeling from unpleasant shock. ZZZ.

I really cannot wait to get my salary and get my HPV vaccination and also my camera. These are only tentative plans. I may decide to be a miser and save everything! :)

Before I tuck myself into bed, I will watch the first episode of Tokyo Ghost Trip and decide if it is worth the watch.

9:43 PM

Friday, January 15, 2010

Tomorrow is Applications Day! I must finish ALL my applications tomorrow! :)

11:33 PM

Work

Early mornings, faraway place, long hours, tired feet...

2 days, and I'm already exhausted.

Pretty eventful though, literally. Everyday is jammed pack with events and I'm hardly in the office. When I'm in the office, I'm stoning because I've no tasks at hand and I'm still rather apprehensive about everything. I really hate it when everyone's busy doing something and I'm doing nothing! Sucky, empty feeling. But I predict that my stoning sessions will start to shorten drastically from now on because I can finally access the computer and I still have uncleared work which I gotta finish on Monday. Ahh :(

Also, I got to witness policies that I kept reading in the papers and studying during Econs that are really executed in real life. Pretty awesome. Today, I also realised that I'm really much better off than others in terms of educational levels, confidence, opportunites etc. But I always had the mentality that there are so many others better than me (i.e. I'm lousy) because of the large exposure to elite schools thereby bringing about fierce comparisons. In actual fact, we're only competing for the top spots, but many others are still struggling below us, even with the average jobs. Yet, they are able to pick up the courage despite age differences, to take up new skills so that they can be effectively rechannelled into a new industry, or to move up to a post with higher value so that they can command higher salaries, improving their lives altogether. These average men are really worthy of my respect. I sometimes belittle what some workshops can do for me, but it seems to be worthed a million to the layman. What seems natural to me may seem difficult to them. So, I'm really much better off after all. I should stop complaining and cherish the valuable opportunities I'm accorded with! :) POSITIVE THINKING!

On another note, my colleagues are really nice so far, and I just need to rewire my channel a little bit to suit them. I must stop looking bored or aloof too!!!! That will really scare people away :( Plus I'm still confused over who is who, because I still haven't got to meet everyone, and I'm often thrown into random events. So basically I'll just shadow the staff if I do attend events. If not, I'm in the office doing admin work.

I don't really know how this 6 months will turn out to be. I hope this stint will be a truly fulfilling one, so after 6 months, I will move onto university with valuable life experiences.

For now, it's TGIF! :) Congrats to Shi Ning on securing a job today!!! If you just relax for a day, you will get employed.

Goodbye Frictional Unemployment!

9:16 PM

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I'M EMPLOYED :)

3:41 PM

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

어떡하죠

It's really hard to get a job (that I like) now because I'm facing "greater competition from the whole A Level cohort and also the NS guys who are just released". Hell yeah.

I should stop being picky, huh.

Today I rejected this job that required me to do 2 adhoc events. Why? Females and our never-ending 'what-ifs?'. What if I get the job tomorrow after my interview? What if I cannot make it on those dates because I'm working then? I know very well that I'm suffering from the 'what-if' syndrome, but I just cannot rid myself of this desperate situation and I'm afraid of commitment. Ahh.

Anyway I think my SMS is going to 爆 BOOM this month because I've been messaging non-stop these few days/last week, to the extent that I tell others, 'I'm not going to sms you anymore because my sms is going to explode. Let's just talk online later.' FYI, I only have 1000 free messages per month, unlike some others who have unlimited number of messages to spam. This is only ideal for lovebirds who SMS each other non-stop everyday, or those who 守着 their phones 24/7 and their messages are as short as ever, like 'Haha.' What a waste of text space, srsly. LET'S JUST TALK ONLINE!!! Plus I'm a lazy person and I tend not to reply messages when I feel that the conversation has become stale. There's always a limit to everything! I really don't understand why some can go on with literally small talk via SMS forever and ever. It gets boring, doesn't it?

I just sent a few more messages. NO MESSAGING FOR ME TOMORROW!!!!!!

Shi Ning and I were counting our CPF contributions today. I think it's 14.5% of one's salary (salary is between $750 to $1200) plus a lot more money that I don't understand. But if I earn $1200 per month, Shi Ning says I will only get about $798, all thanks to CPF. So little for slogging so much!!! But under all this lamenting, I think we will tend to see CPF's greatness in the future when we become ill and have to face exorbitant medical fees, and will be thankful that we actually saved so much over the past few decades. 未雨绸缪!

Wait, I don't even have a job yet.

11:08 PM

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Fret

XAVIER PLEASE CALL ME TOMORROW AND TELL ME THAT I AM HIRED :(

This desperate feeling has almost driven me up the wall. Now I just feel like taking up any temporary retail sales job or cashier job that lasts for a few weeks till CNY while waiting for a golden opportunity to knock on my door. At least I get to earn some money first, albeit not a lot, and this beats doing nothing at home hands down.

Realise that the morale of the story is Patience is virtue.

Who knew life after A's would be this arduous? Worrying about so many things like being shortlisted for the applications sent and jobs... I miss studying. At least I had an aim in my life.

Meanwhile, I should continue my Korean lessons and at least try to remember the vowels and consonants and how they sound like. Super tough imo!!! Persevere!!!

5:45 PM

Friday, January 08, 2010

Unemployment

Yes, it really sucks being unemployed and jumping at every job opportunity because of sheer desperateness. This feeling worsens when you learn that MORE people around you are getting employed, reminding you that you are still stuck in the dreadful job searching process :(

I hate to check my emails these days. Because I know that most of the time there are no new emails from anywhere. It is precisely because I'm anticipating emails that's why I hate checking my email now. Does this make sense? For fear of disappointment, maybe?

I also hate it when my phone vibrates these days. I hate it when my phone vibrates because if it vibrates for 3 times it means a message. And most of the time it's just a message. Oh crap. I hate it even more when it vibrates non-stop (this means an incoming call), and it's from an unknown number beginning with '6', and I don't feel the vibration and I don't pick up the call! When I try calling back, the number is typically engaged. Okay but I do admit that I love picking up calls from unknown numbers starting with a '6' these days because it signifies hope!!!!! :')

Tomorrow is another day of hope. AND MORE SOURCING FROM THE NET AND CLASSIFIED ADS. ARGH. I'm just so temperamental.

Tomorrow
I must make sure I devote some time to studying E Math and preparing lesson materials
I must make sure I pick up EVERY SINGLE CALL *pray hope pray hope pray hope*
I must make sure I wake up early at about 7AM to prepare for Econs
I must make sure I ask Shining if we are going random hunting again
I must make sure I read the newspaper, especially CLASSIFIED
I must make sure I do not travel a lot (I spent $6 - 7 just on travelling today. Wtf)

Anyway I must stop emoting over the fact that I have not received any news from some people. If there is no rejection letter sent, that means I still stand a chance? To self: You are only 18, at the crossroads of life. You don't know what you want and what you can commit to for a few decades. If this is not your cup of tea, then something else must be. Elsewhere, there is something better for you. There are uncharted paths to venture into, new doors to open, solutions to problems. Okay so stop feeling dejected! *Can't help it* THESE WILL ALL NOT MATTER 10 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD

12:12 AM

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Travel

I must avoid travelling these days because travelling is not cheap at all, even if I travel via public transport. Maybe it's because I'm so used to 45cent fares for both bus and MRT trips. Have been getting that kind of concession for almost 12 years of my life, the first 6 being free because I was still under 1.2m. Today I made a (wasted) trip to Raffles Place and back. I think I spent $3 in total taking the MRT alone :( Plus I don't even have a job yet. Sobs.

6:50 PM

Job

I'm currently on a frantic job-searching spree. My short-term goal for the week is to find and confirm a job, so that I can finally stop my income deficit and stop rotting at home. Ahhhh!!!

12:57 PM

About

Felicia studied in Dunman High School, loves elmo, is a major drama addict and is a cake lover. She has quit coffee even though she loves it.